Let's see, where can I begin.

Ahh, yes. I found myself in Orange County about a week ago (psst, that's the big area south of LA...). I was hanging around with some friends in Anaheim. As the night wore on, the discussion turned to how we spend our evenings, what one does to "pick up chicks," the possibility of a Vietnam-like quagmire in the Middle East, etc., you know, what guys talk about on a Thursday evening when there's nothing better to do but watch golf re-broadcasts on the tube. And I don't even like golf that much.

Finding my answers to most questions way "out of touch" with modern thinking, they gave me some homework to make me a better man. This of course involves watching a lot of television. My assignment is to watch shows which pander to such a low common denominator, that I can't but help walk away with a better understanding of American culture. The list includes mostly "reality-tv" shows, that current trend that as far as I know is anything but real. Big Brother, Blind Date and the charmingly named Elimidate are the only ones I can recall right now. I think I was also told to watch some Vin Diesel movie or other, oh and totally avoid Keanu Reeves flicks.

My friends know that I don't own a television, so I don't know what they expect me to do. I mean, there are other things I'd rather do than watch tv. Plus, those dang things and the cable service that you've gotta buy can get expensive. I mean, that's a lot of microwave burritos!

I don't particularly care to watch dating shows anyway. What sadist thought of this concept? This is taking a difficult situation and just making it worse. You've got two people who are being encouraged to make snap judgements on one another or be as raunchy and forward as they can, and all for the purpose of entertainment. I weep for the future.

By the way, just because I don't own a television doesn't mean that I never come across one. A couple of years ago, I saw an episode of Blind Date when my sister and I were visiting my friend Sid in the Bay Area. I'd never seen such a concept before. Sid seemed to like it, but my sister and I had a lesser opinion of the whole thing. We found it to be a real triumph of the human spirit, if you get my meaning.

Back to Anaheim,...oh hey, I like that phrase-- Back to Anaheim, the Shane Ross Story-- anyway, we got to playing poker, and fortunately no one got upset and started throwing furniture across the room, getting dangerously close to hitting the Velvet Elvis. Fortunately. And I woulda won the game too, if I hadn't been "all in" on a bluff. But Casino's gotta take risks sometimes.

In conclusion, it was all good. As can sometimes happen, the evening made a turn for the wacky and then proceeded to get quite downright nutty.

You never know what you might reveal when you peak behind the Orange Curtain.

shane ross didn't lie much recently, but when
he did, he did it for effect!